I don’t mean to brag, because normally I let other people do that for me, but right now my dad is in stupid Wisconsin, and I can’t fly him out here every damn time I want him to stand in a room and tell people how damned great I am. Plus, he’s old as hell, so people are like, “Whoa. Guess it was bring your WalMart greeter to the networking party day.” Anyway, thanks to my dad living far away and being old, I guess I’m going to have to be the one who pins up my accomplishments on the giant refrigerator of life. This refrigerator better have some decent leftovers inside. I’m a bit of a night eater.

This is to apologize to my dad for calling him old and to endear me to you.

Anyway, being “freelance”, or as some jerks call it “Got No Job”, or as I call it when I am filling out a weekly form, “unemployed”, that means I have to spend a lot of time thinking about what exactly I’m good at. I even made a list. I’m exceptionally good at list making, by the way. Unfortunately, the stuff I am good at doesn’t always naturally (or legally) translate into me having a job. Even some of the whacky shit people hire other people to do in Hollywood is harder to come by than you think. You can’t just walk into Howie Mandell’s house and offer to wash his hands for him. I know. I tried.

One of the things I’m really good at is the thing where you write about the stuff in your head which is the stuff you think about the things you see and do and hear. That last sentence is a perfect example. I don’t know how I churn out such sensicle bits of amazing, but they flow out of me like mixed metaphors out of a unicorn diamond fountain. I’m telling you guys, I write good.

And I regularly find myself writing for free, only it’s not for free. My payment comes in the form of thumbs ups, or people rating my Yelp reviews. I’ve got, like 35 “Funny” ratings on Yelp, and I’m not even trying. Also, I’ve been reviewing music and comedy for AV Club, Beatweek, and LA Record for years now. Also, at age 8, I wrote a compelling letter to the Kellogg’s people regarding the quality of their in-box toys, which did not come pre-stickered, leaving those of us children with shaky hands to apply our own stickers and face the painful thunder of a million playground bitches mocking our slightly askew sticker jobs. That letter resulted in a whole box of pre-stickered toys, and a letter signed by Tony the Tiger.* In any case, I am rather certain that it was my stellar writing that got my message across.

So, since I’m already writing for free, and since I have a bit more time on my hands lately, I’ve decided that I’m going to start filling the world with more of my reviews. Hey, if I’m not working for anyone in particular, that means I can say whatever the hell I want, however I want to say it, and gradually build up more samples of my writing that will either cause people to hire me, or be used against me when my children have me committed.

What you got for me internet? You got a business you opened, a product you’re selling, a music you made, a book you wrote, or a sandwich for me? I like all of those things, you know? So, get in touch. Reach out. And if you don’t, whatever. I’m still going to be here, writing on the internet, until some anti-piracy act makes me stop. Stay tuned for some reviews, y’all.

*As I write this, I am wondering how the hell a tiger, with such huge, furry paws, was able to place those stickers with such precision.

So, Tim came over to my house to help me with a few episodes of So, What Did We Learn? And I may possibly have usable footage for that. But I also have a ton of other footage, and so… Coming soon. Tim & Nikol. We’re Sorry.

Warning- NSFW  and if you care deeply about maintaining an idea that I am a rather wholesome lady, just don’t click play.

By the way, I totally know that Nikol’s should have an apostrophe, but I like the way it looks without one. Is that so wrong?

Back from my Wisconsin days of hanging out with developers at Bucketworks, I asked people to tell me their definition of sex.

What’s yours?

I made this.

Occupy My Coffee!

My monthly video blog, So, What Did We Learn? (which is not at all SFW), usually focuses on my dating life. This month, with my full time 13 year old son being around, I have been thinking instead about the thing I want to tell him about sex, but feel way too awkward saying to him. Go watch the video. Comment on it. Tell me the things your parents should have told you, or the things they did tell you that you felt horrified by.

I got to shoot a series of challenge videos recently for our Net Connectors web site, and I basically fell in love with this girl who is about the size of one of my legs, but could probably kick my ass, and she made my heart beat fast. Take a look at the girl who made cartoon birdies spin around my skull.

Oh, and also, you should do something with this video challenge so you can win an iPod and help your elders understand technology.

Have you uploaded your own video yet? Here’s what I had to say. Got comments? Can you post them directly on the Just Think site, so you can help me get the conversation going.

And by all means, share this with others.

I have always been food obsessed. Always. When I was a little girl, my mother’s nickname for me was Chubba. That’s kind of a bitch thing to call your daughter, by the way, so if you were thinking about going with that one, try on something less likely to make her draw early attention to her little tree trunk legs.

With my step dad, at age 3

Back then, I used to sneak food, but not because I felt bad about eating it. As a kid I’d sneak food because I wasn’t sure when we’d have any in the house. (more…)

Hey, soon I’ll write a post about some cool stuff I have going on. For now, here’s your weekly dose of me being me, which isn’t really the most interesting stuff, but you asked for it.

Also, for serious. I hate wearing bathing suits. I always have. But in the past six months I have went from 120 lbs to 140, and I am way out of shape. So, even wearing one of those skirted mommish bathing suits isn’t going to do my figure any favors. Any suggestions?