It's pronounced HAYZ-ler, you dweebs.

Holiday Gift Ideas, Part 3: Things I Want You To Buy

I want you to buy these things because you’d be supporting people who I happen to think are extremely talented and should have more money so they can continue to make even more of the stuff that makes the world a better place. Do it do it do it!


Henry Phillips
Music lovers will be pleased to learn that Jose Suicidio’s full length CD is now available for purchase. “Lets Get Suicidal” is an uplifting journey of folk wonder. I recommend buying several of these, because if you ever have a friend who’s in the pits, you can just hand them a cd, give their arm a friendly punch, and say “Cheer up, buddy.”
I only got to meet Henry recently. The kids and I were huge fans after binge watching the YouTube show “Henry’s Kitchen”, for which Jose Suicidio provided the sound track. Now that you know about this show, I basically gave you a gift.

Matt Kirshen
Next time you find yourself stuck in traffic, or trying to pass the time on the stair master, or at a party where everyone has to bring their own cd to play or they won’t let you in and you’ll have to stand outside while all your friends are having a good time, you’re going to want to have the comedy cd “I Guess We’ll Never Know” at hand.

And also, Matt is my boyyyyyyfriend! So, when you’re listening, you’ll also know that you’re hearing the voice I hear each night before I go to sleep. And, by buying this cd, you’re ensuring that Matt can buy me a lot of burritos and shoes.
Sexy Deathray
You could buy leggings from H&M, and skirts from The Skirt Store, and everyone will have the exact same things. It’s true. But if you want to buy for your most fashionable girl pals, you’ll buy something from SexyDeathRay. Basically, this is the sort of shit Hot Topic wishes they could think of. In fact, if you happen to have a teenage daughter who you think wants anything from Hot Topic, buy her something here instead.

Sarah sells her stuff at Vlad the Retailer in Echo Park. Once upon a time I spent many hours a week hanging out in that shop, which is hands down one of the best things about Los Angeles. If you live in LA, stop in and grab all sorts of cool stuff made by local LA weirdos.
Brandon Bird
Art! Books! Mr. T Greeting Cards!

Brandon Bird is my favorite contemporary artist, and I know I mentioned him already, and you can bet anything I will keep mentioning him. I’m especially stoked about the new addition of Mr. T wrapping paper. Dig around his site and you’re absolutely going to find a print that’s perfect for someone on your list.By the way, Brandon, if you read this, can we please get that hamburger already?

One Response to “Holiday Gift Ideas, Part 3: Things I Want You To Buy”

  1. I sit by the fire, admire my giant Brandon Bird print, chuckle to Matt’s incisive wit, rock out to Henry’s tunes. The Sexy Deathray leggings I hired a local teen to jog in and queef into are snugly ensconced in my painter’s mask. This will be a fine Christmas indeed.

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